Rehearsal 10, Tuesday 21st May 2002

I must be making an impact! David draws everyone's attention to my two-week old beard to show what a good example I am setting. This motivates the others quite a bit, judging by the sounds of merriment. He goes on to complain about people turning up late for rehearsals. Naturally, he doesn't mean me. Not that I'm never late, you understand, but I always have a very good reason. It's often impossible to get here from work in the amount of time I allow myself. I'm sure even David doesn't expect me to do the impossible very often.

"You won't need your scripts"

You know it's going to be a weird rehearsal when he says that. Apparently Kareena can't make it this week so we're going to suspend blocking until she comes back.

After the usual bout of high-speed walking to disorient and tire the victims, we are split into two groups. My group gets to sit and watch while the other lies on the floor with their eyes closed as David instructs them to relax and think about their characters. I wonder whether I should suggest we paint them and watch as they dry. I refrain, though. The last thing I want to do is give him suggestions for more bizarre experiments.

Eventually, they are asked to:

"Get up in the style of your character"

and then to:

"Imagine your character is walking about town, on some business or other"

So, everyone wanders up and down the room silently, for the most part ignoring each other. Although servant Osip (Barbara) and constable Svistunov (Gary G) have an ongoing routine where she keeps trying to find somewhere to sleep, and he keeps moving her on. While all this is going on, David keeps freezing the action to ask someone what they are doing, how they are feeling, etc.

After a bit, the groups swap over - but not before another bout of walking about and, that old actors' standby, running on the spot. I'm gasping for air as I lay down. So much so that it's very hard to lay on my back and relax - my body is demanding to be on its hands and knees, choking and occasionally sobbing. Still… a supreme act of willpower, aided by the image of the others pointing and laughing, enables me to maintain something of an outward calm.

Eventually, I manage to spare enough oxygen to my brain to listen to whatever David's saying. And I can almost see straight in time to 'wake' as The Judge, order my servants about and go to see to my dogs - all silently. In fact we're all silent except for occasional calls for tea from The Mayor (Simon).

As for the others, the general amusement caused by Dobchinsky's (Robbie's) morning 'motions' is only exceeded by The Schools Superintendent (Gary K) complaining that he is a confirmed bachelor since his wife was cut out of the script.

By the time we do the 'walking round town' bit, I am quite enjoying myself, as I try to get up a hunting party, without The Mayor - who invites himself anyway.

Plenty of time to go yet, so we have a 'party' at the Mayor's house. This gives us all a chance to play about with our character and interact with the others. As The Judge, I spend my time trying to find out about Dobchinsky's movements so I can get to see his wife. As much as possible, I also try to avoid the scary Mayor's wife, Anna (Debbie), who seems to be planning to 'conquer' all the men in town.

The noble Korobkin (Eddie), meanwhile, is carousing with and generally becoming very popular with the lower classes at the other end of the room. As long as there is alcohol, he is happy. Come to think of it, most of us make our excuses and leave as soon as the booze has gone.

You know, I'm beginning to relate to the other members of the cast in character almost as much as real people. Perhaps this is an interesting and accidental side-effect of David's crazy experiments on us. I think I should probably point it out to him.

On the other hand, it might just spur him on to greater extremes. I'm told that we're going to be doing 'hot-seating' next week. It all sounds a bit S&M to me. Perhaps we're taking this exploring of characters a bit too far.

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